Ending our addictions

There are 2 addicts in this house. 

Yes 2. And it’s time for it to end.

2 out of 3 of us, I’m not including the dogs, all though they do have a slight addiction to food, especially if they can steal it! But dogs aside, 2 of us are struggling.

And it’s not my husband.

Yep me and our daughter.

Spare a thought for my husband as he puts up with the tears and tantrums – and not just from Coco!
Addict number 1, me. 

I’m currently 56 hours cigarette free. I may be chowing down on nicotine mints, but that’s ok. I wanted to give up this year and hopefully for the last time. This month we do not have the money to fund my disgusting and damaging but highly enjoyable addiction. So the time is now. My reasons for stopping are as follows:

  • Obviously money! The price of a pack has more then doubled from when I started. I don’t want to throw that money away, I could send Coco to ballet or another lesson instead.
  • I don’t want my daughter to be more likely to smoke.
  • I don’t want the smoke chemicals lingering on my clothes to hurt her or my husband.
  • I don’t want to die younger then I have to. 

I read somewhere that contrary to popular belief, your risk of lung cancer doesn’t drop. It just keeps going up the longer you smoke. So if it’s like an elevator, you want to get off at the lowest floor possible. Now I’m 31, I’ve smoked ‘properly’ for 13 years, I’ve had some non smoking times in that period, mainly a year and a half  after I got pregnant. This idea of my risk of cancer not going down, scares the hell out of me. And I’m glad it does. There are only benefits for me quitting, why haven’t I done it sooner? Because it’s fucking hard that’s why. I’ve tried and failed many many times. Im hoping that writing this will help me stay quit. 

And then we move onto addict number 2. 

Coco is 3 nights dummy free. Yes dummy free!!! This is a huge deal! She’s never been one to have a dummy in the day, it is genuinely only at night. But she doesn’t have any other comforter, no blankie, no favorite toy. So her dummy was her way of soothing and calming herself at bedtime and during the night. Sadly unlike me, she has to go cold turkey. So it is hard for her, and feels harsh of me for imposing it. I’ve been putting it off – I intended to do it when she was 1, a year and a half later it’s finally done. We packed them all up in a pretty bag to be taken to my pregnant friend, for her baby. We hung the bag on her bedroom door and the dummy delivery fairy collected them at night and took them to the ‘baby in Dee’s tum’. I tried to make it as magical as possible and a big deal in a positive way! I asked her if we should give the dummies to the baby and she said yes straight away. I know she feels proud about that. I’m kind of sad that you can’t pass on dummies, seems so unfair that in reality they are in the bin!!! Bedtime is a bit interesting, it takes longer, and lots and lots of cuddles. The first night was a rollercoaster of emotions for her, each emotional state could last anywhere from 30secs-several minutes:

  • Feeling fragile – Need cuddles
  • Hatred – ‘I no like you mama’
  • Pleading – ‘Please mama dummie’
  • Excitement – ‘Oooooo me hear dummie fairy!!!’ And excited to have a celebratory piece of cake the next day!
  • Utter pride – ‘Coco a big girl, yay’ and ‘Dee’s baby so happy to get dummies’

Each night has got better putting her to bed. I was anticipating sleepless nights, I thought she’d wake up, find there’s no dummy and get upset. That hasn’t happened, not a peep. She has slept through each night and toddled through to me each morning her happy usual self. 

So to any other mommy out there delaying the dummy fairy, don’t, it (hopefully) won’t be as bad as you think. It has been ok for us! 

Now I wish giving up ciggies was as easy as a fairy essentially confiscating them! 

Diary of an imperfect mum


2 Comments Add yours

  1. Good luck to you both. I’ve been fag free for about 4 years now, It’s not easy but I’ve never regretted giving up! Thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime 🎉

    Liked by 1 person

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