Just the one then?

Yes I have ‘just the one’ child.

It aggravates me no end that people ask me ‘when are you having another?’ – this has been asked since my daughter was born!!! But worse is what comes after ‘oh just the one then?’ erm yes, then ‘Why???’. This bugs me. It bugged me when I’d just given birth. It bugged me when we were trying for a second, it devastated me after my miscarriages and it bugs me now. We are happy with being a family of three.

It really pisses me off:
A) it’s none of your damned business
B) you are implying my family isn’t complete. That it’s somehow not good enough.

If I respond ‘no, we won’t have another’ I get bombarded with why’s and reasons why I shouldn’t have an only child.

People seem to believe because I don’t have the average 2.4 children it’s not ok. My daughter will somehow grow into a self absorbed, selfish, hard to deal with person. Growing up I had a few only child friends. Ok a couple of them always wanted to be in charge of the games we played, but this could just be personality! I had friends with siblings who were the same way! However, most were totally normal kids, and are now normal adults. The vast majority of them were/are the most confident people and not in an obnoxious way. They were/are confident of themselves as people. That’s no bad thing.

It annoys me because people don’t know our battle we had with trying to get pregnant with Coco and then with trying to have another child. Everyone assumes the journey to getting pregnant and staying pregnant is an easy one. But that’s not the case for so many people. They don’t know the details, if I’m able to have another one, if I want another one. I would have loved to have had 2. But it probably won’t happen. And I’m ok with that, our family is awesome, our little Coco is awesome, and we feel complete. If we somehow do have another one then that’s great too, but if we don’t we are 100% ok and happy with that.

Yes Coco is a bit spoiled, not by us, but by family who adore her and give her so much! Honestly, I think they would be exactly the same if we had another child too. Coco is friendly, kind and sociable. She has only recently begun to have a few issues with sharing, but I think this a developmental thing, she’s suddenly realised her toys are hers! It unfairly seems that any ‘undesirable’ quality in her gets blamed on her being an only child, she’s only 2 and a half, so this will probably only get worse.

I know most of the time when people ask this question, they aren’t meaning to be rude or intrusive or nosey. I also don’t mind the question coming from people I’m close to, they know our difficulties, they are asking from a different place, they don’t say ‘just the one then?’ or ask ‘why?’ or tell us why we are ‘wrong’, and they are more then happy with us ‘producing only’ Coco. There are so many people out there who can only have one child, or only want one child. Don’t make us feel bad! Maybe just reword the question ‘do you think you’ll have another one?’ And when we say no, don’t say ‘oh just the one then?!’, don’t press us into the reasons, and please do not tell us how horrible our only child is going to be.


2 Comments Add yours

  1. I never thought about it that way. I hope I never made anyone feel like that! If I did, I know it wasn’t intentionally judge-y or anything. I just try to keep conversation going. I will have to think more before I open my mouth sometimes, it seems…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know I was a bit guilty of this before I had kids. I would never ever have told anyone why their child shouldn’t be an only child. But I know I would ask if they would have another. So it’s made me think! It’s the way it’s done that upsets me, that it comes across that it’s not ok for me to just have one, especially if they tell me why coco will be horrible because of it! This mostly comes from people im meeting for the first time or that I hardly know, which I feel is inappropriate. Thanks for reading!

      Liked by 1 person

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